MacIntosh: Today we are on the border near Nogales and Oscar is meeting with Mexican dignitaries. We have translators to help us communicate. The event is just getting started.
Oscar: Welcome to America.
Mexican: Mira, es un perro que habla (Look, it’s a talking dog)
Oscar: Whats did he say?
Translator: He said “thank you. Glad to be here.”
Oscar: I knows you must be confused by our immigration policies. We is the only country that will kills you if you try to get in…but reward you with a nice job if you makes it.
Mexican: No puedo creer mis propios ojos. Está loco (Its crazy…I can’t believe my own eyes.)
Translator: He says “yes, it is very confusing”
Oscar: That’s like building a big fence and then leaving a bunch of fresh pizza on the other side of the fence. Who can resist pizza?
Mexican: Tiene que ser un robot. Tal vez su Disneyland (It must be one of those robots from Disneyland)
Translator: Yes. We just want to work and feed our families. If you don’t need our help…don’t hire us.
Oscar: Zactly. The reason we don’t arrest illegal employers is because our employers really need your help. Whats we need is a visiting workers program.
Mexican: O tal vez es un holograma. (Maybe it’s a hologram)
Translator: We would welcome a program where we can come to work legally.
Oscar: Is you sure that’s whats he said?
Translator: Absolutely. Holograma means ‘working legally’?
Oscar: I gets it.
Oscar: My workers program would mean you are treated like our own workers. Buts you will have the sames responsibility to pay taxes and be a good citizen. We is trying to Make America Nice Again.
Mexican: No puedo esperar a mi esposa sobre esto. (I can’t wait to tell my wife about this talking dog)
Oscar: It also means we would arrest and fine employers that continue to hire illegally. So if you is not given a permit you is out of luck.
Mexican: Quiero ver más de cerca, pero la patrulla fronteriza se me disparan. (I want to look closer but the Border Patrol will shoot me)
Translator: We just want to work hard and be treated with dignity.
Oscar: I can see from the look of amazement on yours face that you can barely believe there was such a simple solution to the immigration problem.
Mexican: Un perro que habla es mejor que jackass Trump, ¿eh? (A talking dog is better than that jackass Trump)
Translator: We prefer your solution to Donald Trump’s.
Oscar: Thank you for your time and remember to vote for Oscar for Pleasandent.
MacIntosh: They can’t vote. They’re from Mexico.
Oscar: Huh? They cant’s vote?
MacIntosh: Nope. Not in our elections.
Oscar: That’s OK. It was worth coming anyway.
MacIntosh: Why do you say that?
Oscar: Cuz I learns something new.
Oscar: Quesadillos is just as good as pizza.