Oscar: We’s got a big surprise for you today.
MacIntosh: Yep. We flew to Rome for an interview with Pope Francis.
Oscar: Hello Poop. Thanks for seeing us. Love the red shoes.
Pope: Why do you call me poop?
Oscar: Cuz them republicans treated you like shit.
Pope: No kidding. Did you boys have a nice flight?
Oscar: Is you jokin’? It was awful.
Pope: Flew coach?
MacIntosh: Flew crate in cargo.
Pope: Oh my.
Oscar: I gotta say Poop, you is a lot thinner than I thought.
Pope: Really? Why?
Oscar: Wells, you live in a place called the Fatican.
Pope: It’s called the Vatican.
Oscar: Oops. Sorry.
MacIntosh: What has been your biggest challenge as Pope?
Oscar: Was it when you asked peoples to thinks about climate change?
Pope: No. That was easy. The proof that climate change is real is overwhelming. I want ordinary people, without a money agenda, to consider the scientific evidence.
MacIntosh: Was your biggest challenge when you called for an economic system that distributed wealth more equally?
Pope: No. Jesus fed the multitudes and had a strong distaste for greedy people. He said, “what you do for the least of men you do for me.”
Oscar: Was it when you decided to eats with the homeless peoples instead of the congress peoples?
Pope: Oh heavens no. Would you want to eat anywhere near Louie Gohmert?
MacIntosh: Uh…no. Well then…what has been your biggest challenge?
Pope: Eating anywhere.
Oscar: I can helps you there. I is an expert on that subject. What seems to be the trouble?
Pope: It’s these damn white robes. You have no idea what it’s like to eat without getting stuff all over the robes.
MacIntosh: We may have some idea.
Oscar: Yeah cuz we is white too. My advice is to dig in and let the pasta sauce fall where God intended.
Pope: But what a mess. People will be upset.
MacIntosh: They may consider you with dis-stain?
Oscar: I gots a question about abortion.
Pope: The Bible says thou shall not kill.
Oscar: But we kills little lambs and chickens and little veals.
Pope: Well that’s OK Oscar. We are not supposed to kill people.
MacIntosh: What does the Bible say about when life begins.
Pope: Life begins when the egg is fertilized.
MacIntosh. Women discharge fertilized eggs all the time.
Pope: That is God’s will.
Oscar: Hoelee Moelee! So Gods is doin’ abortion then?
MacIntosh: Planned Parenthood looks pretty good in comparison.
Pope: Human life begins when the egg becomes viable…which means it attaches to the womb.
Oscar: I understands what you mean. Where in the Bible does it say that zactly?
Pope: (confers with advisers) We’ll have to get back to you on that.
MacIntosh: Ok then. Thank you for the interview.
Pope: Bless you my sons.
Oscar: (as they are leaving) That’s was weird. He said bless you and wes didn’t even sneeze.