Herman Cain Reveals His Strategy



Oscar:  Wes on the road again.

MacIntosh:  This time we are tracking down Herman Cain, GOP presidential contender.

Oscar:  Hey looks MacIntosh…there him his.

MacIntosh:  Yeah…let’s get closer.

Oscar:  Him looks like he’s singing to himself.

MacIntosh:  Let’s listen in.

HC:  Ohhh..you take a little dough and roll it in your hands. Then you add some cheap bologna and you sell it if you can…

Oscar:  Excuse me.  Is you Herman Cain?

HC:  Yes I am little fellas.  What can I do for you?

MacIntosh:  We are MacIntosh and Oscar and would like to ask a few questions.

HC: Are you Fox?

Oscar:  We is Westies.

HC:  I don’t know….

Oscar:  But we has a very popular blog read by more than 40 peoples and some of them are not even related to our mom and dad.

HC:  Well OK then….fire away.

MacIntosh:  In the Nevada GOP debate the other candidates were pretty hard on you.  They openly mocked your9-9-9 plan.  How will you respond?

HC:  Well, I immediately had my staff call my old friends at Godfather’s Pizza.  Let’s just say none of those guys will be getting any discount coupons in the future.

Oscar:  You knows peoples at Godfather’s Pizza?

MacIntosh:  Down boy.

HM:  Know them?  I was the big boss at Godfather’s and I still own a piece.

MacIntosh:  You were very successful at Godfather’s.  What did you do there?

HM:  When I started we had 911 stores but I closed all but 420 stores and fired 10,000 people.

Oscar:  I thoughts you was a job creator?

HC:  Yeah…my job. Hah. Hah. Hah.

MacIntosh:  How did you come up with your 9-9-9 plan?

HC:  Since I got rich I have been paying a heap of taxes.  My tax guys were working all the loopholes, you know, pushing the edge, but I still wasn’t satisfied.

Oscar:  Just like the Rolling Stones.

HC: So I hired a new accountant out of Cleveland and told him I wanted him to do some creative work to reduce my taxes even more.

MacIntosh:  And he came up with the 9-9-9 plan?

HC:  Dang if he didn’t.

MacIntosh:  Do you think people will buy it?

HC:  Son, the people would buy a turd coated in panko for 9.99

Oscar:  Yikes.  Really?

HC:  Have you ever tasted a Godfather’s pizza?

MacIntosh:  Good point.  You do know you’ll have to be elected before you can start your plan.

HC:  Sure….and I figured that might be a problem.  So I mentioned the 9-9-9 plan one day when I was hanging out with the Koch brothers….

MacIntosh:  The brothers that were just busted for selling chemicals to Iran in violation of our laws and undermining our efforts in the mideast?

HC:  Those are the ones.  Anyway….they loved the idea of 9-9-9 because it lowered their taxes and raised taxes on the poor.  It was a perfect we-win-you-lose scenario.

Oscar:  How did you get to know the Koch brothers?

HC:  Well….I was between gigs so I took a job with one of their organizations to make speeches at Tea Party events.

MacIntosh:  You were paid to promote the Tea Party?

HC:  Who wasn’t?

Oscar:  Hoelee Moelee.  Lots of people thought them was grassroots.

HC:  Turd…panko.

MacIntosh:  Another good point.  So what are you going to do to fix your 9-9-9 plan?

HC:  I’m not going to fix it.

Oscar:  Buts you said on the news you always had a plan to fix it buts you just wanted them other peoples to attack it first.

MacIntosh:  You said that was your strategy all along.

HC:  It was…..not fixing it is my strategy.

Oscar:  Buts if you don’t fix it you will never get elected.

HC:  Son, look at me.  I’m a black man with no political experience who would need the enthusiastic support of millions of red neck southerners to become president.   Sarah Palin would have a better chance of being president.

MacIntosh:  So what is your strategy?

HC:  Did I mention my new book?

Oscar:  So yous doin’ all this to sell a book?

HC:  Beats working for the Koch brothers.


This entry was posted in America, Campaign 2012, Wacky People and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Herman Cain Reveals His Strategy

  1. susan says:

    Good one! “…people would buy a turd coated in panko for 9.99” indeed!

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