War on Fat

Oscar: Ol’ Uncle Steve is sure disgusted.

MacIntosh: Why’s that?

Oscar: Some peoples in California made it illegal to use toys to promote bad food to kids.

MacIntosh: And he thinks people should make their own decisions about what to put in their bodies.

Oscar: Exactly. He says there’s too much government.

MacIntosh: Is this the same Uncle Steve that thinks marijuana should be illegal.

Oscar: Yep. He says we need more police to win the War on Drugs.

MacIntosh: So, let’s see. The Surgeon General says obesity causes 300,000 deaths a year.

Oscar: Yikes!

MacIntosh: And marijuana causes…let me recheck the numbers to be sure I’m accurate….yep it has caused zero deaths ever.

Oscar: That’s not very many.

MacIntosh: And California arrests 100,000 people a year for smoking marijuana but now they are asking fast food merchants to quit using toys to feed crap to children.

Oscar: Yep.

MacIntosh: That’s outrageous.

Oscar: So Uncle Steve is right?

MacIntosh: Yeah…we should be declaring War on Fat.

Oscar: We should?

MacIntosh: We need a Fat Czar and a gazillion new policemen.

Oscar: Yippee.

MacIntosh: We need our SWAT squads to swoop down on McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Jack-in-the-Box and make those merchants of death do the Perp Walk.

Oscar: Hurrah for us!!

MacIntosh: And if people show up for work and test positive for Big Macs they should be fired on the spot.

Oscar: We cants be too careful. Do you thinks it will work.

MacIntosh: Nope. The gangs will take over. We’ll have a new mafia spring up, funded by illegal cake sales and pie orgies.

Oscar: Buts we will put them in jail, huh MacIntosh?

MacIntosh: It will not stop it. Nothing can stop it. They’ll be smuggling in burritos from Mexico, gelato from Italy, fish and chips from England.

Oscar: Sos we should give up?

MacIntosh: Never give up. If people are still getting fat 40 years from now we should not give up.

Oscar: No way, hoe-zay.

MacIntosh: We should build more prisons and hire another gazillion policemen if that’s what it takes to win the War on Fat.

Oscar: We shall fight Fat on the beaches…we shall never surrender.

MacIntosh: Because what we need is bigger government and smaller citizens.

Oscar: Yea…stay the course. So where do we start?

MacIntosh: I’m thinking dad could lose a few pounds.


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2 Responses to War on Fat

  1. Uncle Stever says:

    Give me rat burgers or give me death!!!
    NO broccoli shakes or kimonos for this kid!
    No three sea shells I’m using TP paper!

    Keep your powder dry boys and girls…

  2. Uncle Stever says:

    Uncle Stever – is a Liberation, take some personnel responsibility… For those who are so freaking stupid in feeding your kids fast food everyday, perhaps its best you consider not having kids….

    But for me I’ve seen the future…..

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