Christian Values

Oscar: I sure am happy them Christians invented values, MacIntosh.

MacIntosh: They didn’t.

Oscar: Sure theys did…theys own the values business.

MacIntosh: They stole them.

Oscar: They stole their values?

MacIntosh: Yep. They were Jewish values before they were Christian values.

Oscar: So the Jewish people invented values?

MacIntosh: Nope. They stole them too.

Oscar: From who.

MacIntosh: Values were invented by Arckk.

Oscar: Who is that?

MacIntosh: Arckk lived thousands of years ago. He invented values to keep the peace.

Oscar: He did?

MacIntosh: Yep. One of his sons, Eyack , was lusting over his brothers wife.

Oscar: Yikes, that would create problems.

MacIntosh: No kidding. So Arckk said “Hey you two. Cut it out. I’m tryin’ to nake a nap here. Give me some peace.”

Oscar: So did Eyack cut it out?

MacIntosh: Nope. He was too busy lusting. Ol’ Arckk had to get up and hit Eyack with a stick.

Oscar: Ouch…I bet that hurt.

MacIntosh: Yep….but it worked. Eyack quit lusting. So Arckk started thinking about others things which might be helpful.

Oscar: Like what?

MacIntosh: Like don’t eat that pig that’s been laying out in the sun for a bunch of days.

Oscar: Would he whack em if they ate it anyway?

MacIntosh: Oh yeah.

Oscar: What else?

MacIntosh: Like don’t steal my stuff and, while you’re at it, don’t steal anybody elses stuff either.

Oscar: That’s a good one.

MacIntosh: Yeah, he invented lots of em. Then he came up with a primary value.

Oscar: Whats that?

MacIntosh: Do what your father says you shitheads or I’m gonna whack you.

Oscar: So that’s where the Jewish peoples got their values.

MacIntosh: Yep. They reworded them a little to avoid plagiarism issues.

Oscar: So the Jewish peoples stole their values from Arckk?

MacIntosh: Yep. And he’s been whackin’ em ever since.



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