Oscar: I sure am happy them Christians invented values, MacIntosh.
MacIntosh: They didn’t.
Oscar: Sure theys did…theys own the values business.
MacIntosh: They stole them.
Oscar: They stole their values?
MacIntosh: Yep. They were Jewish values before they were Christian values.
Oscar: So the Jewish people invented values?
MacIntosh: Nope. They stole them too.
Oscar: From who.
MacIntosh: Values were invented by Arckk.
Oscar: Who is that?
MacIntosh: Arckk lived thousands of years ago. He invented values to keep the peace.
Oscar: He did?
MacIntosh: Yep. One of his sons, Eyack , was lusting over his brothers wife.
Oscar: Yikes, that would create problems.
MacIntosh: No kidding. So Arckk said “Hey you two. Cut it out. I’m tryin’ to nake a nap here. Give me some peace.”
Oscar: So did Eyack cut it out?
MacIntosh: Nope. He was too busy lusting. Ol’ Arckk had to get up and hit Eyack with a stick.
Oscar: Ouch…I bet that hurt.
MacIntosh: Yep….but it worked. Eyack quit lusting. So Arckk started thinking about others things which might be helpful.
Oscar: Like what?
MacIntosh: Like don’t eat that pig that’s been laying out in the sun for a bunch of days.
Oscar: Would he whack em if they ate it anyway?
MacIntosh: Oh yeah.
Oscar: What else?
MacIntosh: Like don’t steal my stuff and, while you’re at it, don’t steal anybody elses stuff either.
Oscar: That’s a good one.
MacIntosh: Yeah, he invented lots of em. Then he came up with a primary value.
Oscar: Whats that?
MacIntosh: Do what your father says you shitheads or I’m gonna whack you.
Oscar: So that’s where the Jewish peoples got their values.
MacIntosh: Yep. They reworded them a little to avoid plagiarism issues.
Oscar: So the Jewish peoples stole their values from Arckk?
MacIntosh: Yep. And he’s been whackin’ em ever since.